Fiction Friday: [Reset | Delicate Cycle]

Milly flicked her tail as she whined and buried her face into my calf. Reaching down behind her ear, I scratched her favorite spot and struggled to recall the last time she’d been so needy. I wondered if she somehow knew that in just a few hours she would no longer be a part of my life. At best she’d be the spark of a memory that never quite ignited. A fleeting wisp of familiarity that dissipated quicker than it appeared.

Not so long ago people lived with their pasts, no matter how painful. The lucky ones would go through years of therapy, talking about their issues until they became manageable. That wasn’t enough for me. I had no doubt that most people in my position would make the same decision. Would sacrifice everything they once knew to forget the feeling of their cheekbone crushing under the fist of the man they believed loved them. Forget the time—every single time—they accepted his apology and stayed.

In my isolated world, Milly was my only bright spot. My only constant. She never judged me and was always there to lick my wounds. At the first appointment I’d asked about the possibility of keeping her in my life, but they made it clear that memory swipes were all or nothing. Losing her was breaking my heart, but at least it wouldn’t last for long.  

I nuzzled my nose into her neck and held her until she started to squirm in my arms. She leapt soundlessly onto the hardwood floor, but didn’t go far. She stared at me with her piercing yellow eyes and somehow I knew she’d miss me. Without breaking our gaze, she let out a single meow. Just one to say goodbye before she turned and hopped up on the couch. She never looked up again as she circled her favorite spot and curled up into a fuzzy gray ball. My hand itched to pet her once more, but I couldn’t. One step would be all it took to weaken my defenses.

I grabbed my bag from the floor and read over the carefully crafted note one more time. It said nothing of how or why I’d reached my decision, it only held instructions for taking care of Milly. Her new owners would need to know about her favorite spot, her favorite toys and that she was afraid of the vacuum cleaner.

I wished it had been that simple for me. A note full of care instructions that broke down my needs as simply as a laundry tag. Handle with care. Be gentle. Do not hit.  

Long, lazy purrs wafted from the couch. I found the sunlight circling Milly and giving her an ethereal glow. A fitting reminder of what an angel she’d been in my life. My old life.

Moxie Monday: Dive In

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Fiction Friday: [Zazen]

With the dulcet tones of New Age music surrounding her, Audra felt weightless. Inhaling deeply, she held it for a moment as she floated. She exhaled and her mind filled with images of…violence and murder.

She untangled her legs and plodded down the hall trying to recall the last time her boyfriend had annoyed her this much. He was on the floor with his back against the couch, fingers dancing frantically over the game controller. She stared at him for a while, but it was clear that he didn't realize she was there..

“How am I supposed to meditate when you have this thing blasting?”

Her exasperated gesture toward the television went unnoticed, his eyes never leaving the gun-toting, carjacking character on the screen. The silence hung in the air so long she doubted that he’d heard her.

“Sorry, babe,” Denny finally said.

The rich colors of the game reflecting in his eyes and the lack of remote control reaching betrayed the sincerity dripping from his voice. A string of past apologies played in her mind and she questioned the authenticity of each one. A pain radiated along her jawline drawing her attention to her clenched teeth and pressed lips. All of this wasn’t worth a fight right now. She wanted to feel centered, not angry.

She shot one last look toward Denny through narrowed eyes and grabbed the headphones off the coffee table. Heading back to the room she had to remind herself to breathe.

“I really am sorry,” he said and with the sounds of squealing tires and utter carnage dissipating, she believed him.

Audra crossed her legs, inhaled deeply and smiled as she placed the headphones on the floor.

Moxie Monday: Soar

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Fiction Friday: [The Preservation of a Lopsided Smile]

The color drained from Margo’s face when the email arrived. She had checked her inbox obsessively for it every day. Now, the breath caught in her chest as the pointy-fingered cursor hovered, waiting to open what she hoped to be the answer to what had defied explanation for so long. Too long.

Ignoring her husband’s protests, she sent the request shortly after Brianna’s death. Her daughter hadn’t left a note and poring through her emails led only to prolonged heartache instead of providing the answers Margo so desperately needed. Facebook added to her despair when they denied the request, offering only to memorialize the page. Her tears morphed from those of sorrow to joy when an employee turned out to be the friend of a friend and offered to do what they could to get her the password. They warned her it would take time, but if she were able to have one last connection, an understanding of who Briana was in the end, the wait would be worth it.

She considered calling Jim despite his attempts to stop this moment from happening. She tried to convince herself it was for his benefit, but her heart wouldn’t allow her mind to push the truth away so easily. It was no secret that Margo blamed herself for their daughter never seeing her sixteenth birthday. As a mother, she should have seen the signs. She should have known Brianna was unhappy.

The phone clicked louder than it should have against the wood as she set it on the desk. If she was truly to blame, the last thing she needed was a witness to the proof. Her gaze fell upon the framed photo of Brianna next to the laptop. An unsteady finger traced the outline of her daughter’s face as the tears slid over her thinned lips, rounded her trembling chin and splashed onto the keyboard.

***

Jim arrived home a few hours later and tossed his keys into the lopsided bowl on the entry table. His mind traveled back a couple of years as he paused to remember the look of pride on Brianna’s twelve-year-old face after she had come home from camp. The shape always reminded him of her smile. The bright colors personified the happy girl he chose to remember.

He found Margo on the couch and recognized the faraway gaze to nothing, the ruddy complexion from a bout of sorrow-filled tears, and the unnatural stillness that had filled the house since they lost their daughter. A full mug of tea sat on the coffee table, and there was no doubt it had gone cold. He had yet to find the right words to comfort his wife. He imagined he’d find them buried somewhere deep below his own broken heart.

Jim planted a kiss on his wife’s forehead and then ambled down the hallway. The downturned picture frame on the desk drew his attention as he entered their bedroom. With stilted breath, he made his way over and placed it upright again. The heat of tears pressed against his eyes as they met with Brianna’s sparkling smile. He slumped into the chair and his heart folded into itself when he failed to remember the sound of her laughter. He understood Margo’s needs, but he desperately wanted to hold onto to the daughter he knew as long as he could. Even as the pieces of her floated just out of reach.

His elbow nudged the laptop, waking it from its slumber. Like a moth to a flame, Jim was drawn by the light and found Margo’s email staring back at him. With each passing second, the strings of curiosity pulled tighter as his gaze lingered on the cursor hovering over an unopened email.   

Moxie Monday: Jackpot!

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Fiction Friday: [Kindling]

[Sometimes strange images fill your head until you turn them into words. Enjoy!]

I stumbled upon
a woman
floating
in a field.
Her long,
dark curls
stretched
toward
the tall grass
as the rest of her
defied gravity.

Sunlight splashed
her face,
masking
her identity
with its rays.
The hem of her dress
ruffled and danced
in time with the
swaying grass.

Hypnotized,
I stood
witness to
her waking
with a start.
The curls
spilling down
her back
as she sat
upright.

All the while
I stood
frozen.

She turned
toward me,
her face
still bathed
fully in light.
Its bright
tendrils  
reached
for me.
Each radiating
with love
and drawing me
closer
until I was
embraced
by her glow.

Moxie Monday: Get To Work

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