Fiction Friday: [The Preservation of a Lopsided Smile]

The color drained from Margo’s face when the email arrived. She had checked her inbox obsessively for it every day. Now, the breath caught in her chest as the pointy-fingered cursor hovered, waiting to open what she hoped to be the answer to what had defied explanation for so long. Too long.

Ignoring her husband’s protests, she sent the request shortly after Brianna’s death. Her daughter hadn’t left a note and poring through her emails led only to prolonged heartache instead of providing the answers Margo so desperately needed. Facebook added to her despair when they denied the request, offering only to memorialize the page. Her tears morphed from those of sorrow to joy when an employee turned out to be the friend of a friend and offered to do what they could to get her the password. They warned her it would take time, but if she were able to have one last connection, an understanding of who Briana was in the end, the wait would be worth it.

She considered calling Jim despite his attempts to stop this moment from happening. She tried to convince herself it was for his benefit, but her heart wouldn’t allow her mind to push the truth away so easily. It was no secret that Margo blamed herself for their daughter never seeing her sixteenth birthday. As a mother, she should have seen the signs. She should have known Brianna was unhappy.

The phone clicked louder than it should have against the wood as she set it on the desk. If she was truly to blame, the last thing she needed was a witness to the proof. Her gaze fell upon the framed photo of Brianna next to the laptop. An unsteady finger traced the outline of her daughter’s face as the tears slid over her thinned lips, rounded her trembling chin and splashed onto the keyboard.

***

Jim arrived home a few hours later and tossed his keys into the lopsided bowl on the entry table. His mind traveled back a couple of years as he paused to remember the look of pride on Brianna’s twelve-year-old face after she had come home from camp. The shape always reminded him of her smile. The bright colors personified the happy girl he chose to remember.

He found Margo on the couch and recognized the faraway gaze to nothing, the ruddy complexion from a bout of sorrow-filled tears, and the unnatural stillness that had filled the house since they lost their daughter. A full mug of tea sat on the coffee table, and there was no doubt it had gone cold. He had yet to find the right words to comfort his wife. He imagined he’d find them buried somewhere deep below his own broken heart.

Jim planted a kiss on his wife’s forehead and then ambled down the hallway. The downturned picture frame on the desk drew his attention as he entered their bedroom. With stilted breath, he made his way over and placed it upright again. The heat of tears pressed against his eyes as they met with Brianna’s sparkling smile. He slumped into the chair and his heart folded into itself when he failed to remember the sound of her laughter. He understood Margo’s needs, but he desperately wanted to hold onto to the daughter he knew as long as he could. Even as the pieces of her floated just out of reach.

His elbow nudged the laptop, waking it from its slumber. Like a moth to a flame, Jim was drawn by the light and found Margo’s email staring back at him. With each passing second, the strings of curiosity pulled tighter as his gaze lingered on the cursor hovering over an unopened email.   

Fiction Friday: [Hanging On]

The squeak of the metal bed frame should have driven Nia crazy, but it didn’t. She’d missed the sound. She smiled as she watched Devin shrug his shoulders to his ears and splay his arms and legs outward forming an X with each jump.

“You better hope mom doesn’t catch you,” she said every couple of minutes, as it was her big sisterly duty.

Devin loved it, giggling more and more with every warning. Jumping on the bed was his favorite activity. Especially since learning he wasn’t allowed to.

“Look at how high I can go,” he squealed.

“Yeah, I see,” she said. “You’re way up there…like Superman.”

His smile performed the impossible task of spreading even wider and Nia took a mental picture of the moment before it was too late. A mental shrine to his infectious joy. A shrine to a time before their mother cried nonstop. Before their father left. Before the guilt defined her and ate away at everything she was before that day.

Devin was still bouncing, but the squeaking had stopped. Next, she knew, his giggles would fade. And then, not soon after, Devin would follow.

The moment would be over and she would cry from the sudden emptiness. His absence creating a hole that bore into her. It was a pain that seared at her flesh and ripped at her heart. That shuddered her breaths and knotted her stomach.

To her it wasn’t enough. To her, she deserved more. It was a dangerous feeling and it never failed to scare her. But then she would remember how leaving him alone for only a minute created a painful void in their lives…she did that.

And now, all she could do was hang on, waiting for the moment when the metal frame squeaked once again and Devin’s giggles tamped down the guilt, if only for a moment.